Meet The Mods – Negativer

OK, Blockheads. It’s time to meet another mod.

He’s the life of any party. Always the optimist. I bet he picks wildflowers for his lovely wife every day.

Hell. Who am I kidding here? Up next on the chopping block is an amazing writer. He has a way with words and he’s always got a funny comment at the ready. But he’s a self-proclaimed salty pessimist. He and his wife are hilarious and they obviously love each other. But I don’t really see him picking flowers.

Gotta love him though. His sense of humor is sharper than a knife and dryer than a… towel?

Coming to you from the sunny side of the US of A, here comes @negativer!!!


What do you usually have for breakfast?

I cannot betray my bacon. Why must we always eat the things we love? Eggs and bacon, very often, or some combination of eggs and spinach or eggs in some omelet form, or once in a while a smoothie.

What is the meaning of Salt?

I think the definition is different for different people. For me, it’s a term that defines someone who is a little bitter, a little angsty, somewhat cynical, and generally world-weary. Salty, as a short-term feeling, means you’ve got your undies in a bunch over something.

Positiver, an alternate you from a parallel universe, is coming for you armed with an encyclopedia of limericks. What do you do?

Once I got done being salty at the sheer audacity of someone stealing my name gimmick, I’d watch him for a moment doing all those special kung-fu moves with his limerick book. I’d be impressed. Then I’d shoot him.

Complete this sentence: Waving his sausage…

…he went to his bunk.

A lumberjack, a nun and an F1 mechanic walk into a bar. Why are you there?

You see, the nun is my date, and the lumberjack is my bodyguard. She’s a very nice young lady, and he’s dressed in plaid and carrying a huge axe. After a night of quality beer and awkward dancing, I make my move. To the bathroom. The F1 mechanic is still in the parking garage, trying to find a place to park his Prius. No, he doesn’t drive his F1 car to a bar. That’d be dumb.

Apple’s new iWig, an AI ear implant is being released. You are offered the chance to beta test it. Do you? If so, what happens?

I do not. I’m no fan of Apple products. My toilet, however, is a fan of all of Apple’s products. The toilet enjoyed the iWig immensely.

Is your name a self-fulfilling prophecy or would you be just as negative if we called you something else?

After a couple decades of using a particular identity, you start to mesh with it uncomfortably well. It becomes who you are. That said, if my name was ‘positiver’ or ‘upbeat-guy’, I would just be a really inaccurately named fellow.

What joy do you find in being negative all the time?

There is a certain joy in always assuming everything is bad and everything will end badly, only to find that once in a while things actually turn out…well. Those are the times when I can be happy. Keep your hopes low, your expectations lower, and you’ll always find something to be happy about. Even if it’s as simple as realizing how great that morning’s cup of coffee truly was.

What is the meaning of a rubber duck?

The meaning of a rubber duck lies in the observer. Lies in the observer. The observer must lie. He must lie to himself in order to find meaning. Meaning in a rubber duck. A rubber duck is mean. Mean! Bastard! GET OFF MY BACK YOU RUBBER CREATURE! YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL RUBBER!

What is the purpose of the universe?

The easy answer is to arrive at the meaning of the universe: 42. The longer answer I’m saving for the ultimate Steemit post that will earn me the entire rewards pool in one fell swoop, thus destroying the blockchain in a scatter of fairy dust and misplaced dreams.

What do you think would be a culminating experience as a writer?

Hm. This almost seems like a serious question.
I think any writer that can pick something as a culminating experience sets himself up for failure and disappointment. Hell, anything in life, when named so strongly, is going to be a letdown.

There are so many measurements for a writer that would be pleasurable, and they’re all rungs on the ladder. Just one person who enjoyed reading a story. Then ten. Then a hundred. Then getting published and getting your first check. Maybe then a novel getting published. Then seeing someone in a casual location reading your book and obviously enjoying it.

I think that would be a culminating experience; the first time you could SEE someone enjoying something you created.

What question would you really never answer?

Lots of them. But this isn’t one of them. I think anything that asks you to make a sacrifice. ‘Which of your two cats would you rather kill.’ ‘Would you sacrifice yourself to save your mom’. Etc. Stuff that forces you to make judgment calls arbitrarily, and then makes you feel guilty for whatever choice you make.

What topic would you never make a joke about?

A good question. I can’t joke about cancer, except in very familiar company. It touches everyone, and it’s not funny when it touches you.

Favorite animal you’d like to be on your next reincarnation, besides pigs?

A dragon. Can I be a dragon? I want to be a black dragon.

What story / piece of writing you wrote are you most proud of, and why?

My ‘Comfortably Numb’ story from last year. It was the perfect confluence of timing and writing prompt and inspiration. I was fortunate it turned out as well as it did, but since it was well-received amongst the folks I respect on Steemit at The Writers Block, it set a standard for me that I’m trying to live up to on every story. Without that threshold of reasonable decency, I very well might be settling even now for ‘passable’ or ‘good enough.’

If you wouldn’t have to think about making money, and could spend your full time on writing, what project would you take on?

I would fully embrace my novel I had started some 25 years ago and give it the attention it deserves. It’s sitting at some 110k words right now, and while I think about it almost daily, I haven’t finished it. Sometimes I feel like it’s a car up on blocks, and I’m stealing parts of it while it slowly rusts away, because once in a while I borrow a concept or character from that novel for a short story I’m writing now. But it deserves to have the flesh put back on its bones. That’d be my project.

Have you ever written a story about bacon?

Never! But now that the seed has been planted…

What is the meaning of life according to you?

In platitudes: Enjoy life without being a hedonist. Respect others without sacrificing yourself. Help others where you can without losing parts of yourself. Be happy yourself without hurting others. Live a long and healthy life with the people (and cats) that make you happy.

In truth: Nobody knows.

What project would you love to build?

I would love to build my own house. I’ve done a ton of remodeling and construction projects, but I’d love to build my own house the way I want. Somewhere isolated, maybe on the ocean.

What is your favorite ice-cream?

Something with a ton of stuff in it. I can’t really do straight chocolate or vanilla. The busiest ice cream I can find is usually something that has mini peanut butter cups, chocolate swirls, and caramel swirls. Totally healthy, I’m sure.

You get stranded on a deserted island for eternity, with enough food and shelter and whatever. And writing tools. But no internet. You have to name three members of TWB to join you there. They will hate you for it, but you have to choose. Who do you choose?

And @bex-dk.

Sorry Bex. My thought here is that given enough time (eternity) I’ll be able to make you laugh just once.


Well, that was all for today. Thank you so much for being a great sport, @negativer.

See you soon, on The Block!


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